F-R-I-E-N-D-S
F-R-I-E-N-D-S
Written for the April 2022 "To love, and Be Loved" girls retreat.
“Friendship is one of God’s way of taking care of us here on earth.” As humans, we are not meant to live alone in solitary. We can see this in the first book of the Bible, in both Genesis 1:26 and Genesis 2:18
Genesis 1:26 “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.”
Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
Man was not created to be alone, so God created a companionship; a helpmeet. In my words, “Women are the other piece of the human puzzle.” Made meet; or accurately acceptable; to help.
There will be people we come in contact with that we will form a close connection too. I want you to take a moment and think about someone you personally know; who you consider to be your best friend.
Pick one person who you consider to be best friends with?
How long have you known this person?
How did you meet?
What is the primary way of interaction?
who is the first to reach out in conversations and meet ups?
What are things you do together?
Keep these answers in the back of your mind as you continue reading.
When searching or interacting in friendships; 7 things should be present. These eded up being general themes that came up when conversing with various people. There was a whole list, but decided to stick to seven and wanting to create an acronym to help remember what friendships should be like.
Now, let's breakdown the 7 things and see if our friends would pass, or if we ourselves would pass.
Starting it off with with the first letter in friends.
F stands for “fight for you”
Friends should choose to focus on what they can give, or share with each other, rather than what they might get out of the interactions.
How they treat you behind you back, or during personal interaction says a lot of their intention as well. Do they stand up for you and those around them? Friends want you to succeed in life, and will do what they can to help you get to the finish line- They will fight for you, and with you, this is another way of showing unconditional love
Proverbs 18:24 “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”
Mark 10:45 “who For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”
The ultimate example of unconditional love is Jesus Christ; when he took our place on the cross and fully paid the penalty of sin. He have everyone free access, by faith alone in what he did.
Romans 1:17-19 “[17]For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith. [18]For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;[19]Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.”
Romans 3:10-18 “[10]As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:[11]here is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. [12]They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. [13]Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips: [14] Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness: [15]Their feet are swift to shed blood: [16] Destruction and misery are in their ways:[17] And the way of peace have they not known:[18] There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
Romans 5:8-9 “[8] But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, christ died for us. [9] Much more then, being now justified freely by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.”
Friends are there to help you get learn and grow
Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
Not only do they want your outward appearance to be the best it can be, but also character and attitude for life.
Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
A friendship is NOT conditional. It takes two people (or more) to be friends. Avoid friendships where interactions only take place based on “because, they/you do this”, or “if you don’t do XYZ we’re not friends anymore.”
R, stands for real acceptance.
We all have different traditions, backgrounds, and personalities. We should welcome them! Most of all, we’re all sinners; God sees us all the same- no one person better than the other.
God gives us guidance as to how to, and not to, live our lives while here on earth.
Romans 3:22-24 “[22]Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: [23]For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;[24] Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:”
Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Colossians 3:16-17 “[16]Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. [17] And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.”
Romans 12:1-2 “[1]I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.[2]And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
God wants us to be a living sacrifice for Him; to use each of our uniqueness to glorify Him.
However, that doesn’t mean to go out and just do anything. As we are told in verse two of Romans, “Be not conformed to this world”
Proverbs 19: 4 “Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from its neighbor”
Fame, money, and appearance (things that the world focuses on) can attract the wrong people who will only want to use you to get themselves further in life.
Again in Proverbs 19: 6 “Many will intreat the favour of a prince; and every mans is a friend to him that giveth gifts.”
Some people only connect to get something from you.
I is for “Ignite and initiate growth”
Three things to keep in mind:
Each person has unique skills, knowledge, and talents that can be shared with others
Time spent together is beneficial
Growth doesn’t happen without change and challenge
Think of three things you are good are, something you know, something you do, or something you are learning. You can share that “goodness” with others, or use those skills to make a positive impact or bring joy to those you are surrounded by.
Typically there are 365 days in a year, 10080 minutes in a week, and 86,400 seconds in a day.
The average natural death of a woman is 75 (2,366,820,000 seconds in their lives).
Think of those seconds as grains of sand in a timer; that you can not turn over- you have to make it worthwhile.
How do we make our lives worth wile?
Ephesians 5:16 “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”
Colossians 4:5 “Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.”
Proverbs 27:5 “Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful”
2 Timothy 2:15 “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”
2 Peter 3:17-18 “[17] Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know [these things] before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. 18 But grow in grace, and [in] the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him [be] glory both now and for ever. Amen.”
2 Corinthians 5:20 “Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.”
E stands for Encourage and Edify together
What is the central focus of your interactions? As a christian, it should be God! Will it matter in a week from now, how about 5 months, or 7 years? How are your interactions making you a better person; to becoming a more perfect ambassador for Christ.
We do these two things through conversation; using words.
Psalm 18:30 “As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.”
Proverbs 17:22 “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”
Galatians 5:22-26 “[22]But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,[23]Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. [24] And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. [25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. [26] Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.”
Yes, life has its ups and downs. However, You should want someone in your life who has a positive outlook on their surroundings and situations. If someone is always negative, it will will build up and effect your emotions and outlook as well. Are they/you always complaining about personal-life, people or situations around you, or trying to be right all the time, even intentionally starting arguments?
N is for “Navigate life with you”
Naturally, we gravitate to others that have the same mindset in morals, values, identity, and lifestyle. Our minds need others to be going the same direction as ourselves; to be understood at a similar mental capacity; and in the same stage of life.
There is nothing wrong with having differences, but it’s harder to make progress.
Why we should have those with a same mindset.
Ephesians 1:10 “That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; [even] in him:”
Ephesians 2:2-3 “Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: 3 Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.”
Ephesians 5:16 “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”
Romans 13:12-14 “[12]The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.[13]Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. [14]But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”
Romans 12:1-2 “[1]I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.[2]And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
Galatians 5:22-26 “[22]But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,[23]Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. [24] And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. [25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. [26] Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.”
Colossians 3:1-3 “[1] If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. [2] Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. [3] For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.”
2 Corinthians 4:18 “While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen [are] temporal; but the things which are not seen [are] eternal”
D, stand for Doesn't’ Follow the crowd
What does it mean to follow a crowd? To me, it means to do whatever most other people are doing. This could be from the way we speak or conduct ourselves, the style we wear, the thinks we like and do; the list could go on.
Philippians 4:8-9 “[8]Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. [9] Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”
Are your thoughts filtered through these verses? Are you thinking in whatever you are doing? I for-sure know “the crowd “isn’t, as they they don’t know God, or don’t focus on scripture.
Romans 3:10-12 “[10] As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:[11] There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.[12]They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.”
Galatians 5:16-17 “[16]This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. [17] For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.’
Proverbs 3:5-6 "[5]Trust in the Lord with all thine heart: and lean not unto thine own understanding. [6] in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.’
In ALL thy ways, not just some of of the things.
1 John 3:1 “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.”
Luke 16:13 “No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
We can’t serve two master.
Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death”
The last letter I will be discussing is S.
S, stands for Stand by you, or Supports you.
Your friends should be there during the good and not-so-good times; the challenges you go through, and celebrate the victories you’ve overcome or accomplished.
Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.”
Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”
Galatians 6:2 “Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Psalm 5:11 “But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.”
Proverbs 18: 10 “The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.”
John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
Good friends stay by our sides not only to have fun, but also to support each other during the hard times, while having a common motivation to a shared commitment; which should ultimately be to God’s way of life and a desire to please and glorify Him by how we live our lives.
Why is it important to choose our friends wisely?
1 Thessalonians 5:22 “Abstain from all appearance of evil. “
Proverbs 24:1-2 “[1]Be not thou envious against evil men, neither desire to be with them. [2] for their heart studieth destruction, and their lips talk of mischief.”
Proverbs 24:16-21 “[16] For a just [man] falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief. [17] Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: [18] Lest the LORD see [it], and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him. [19] Fret not thyself because of evil [men], neither be thou envious at the wicked; [20] For there shall be no reward to the evil [man]; the candle of the wicked shall be put out. [21] My son, fear thou the LORD and the king: [and] meddle not with them that are given to change: Don’t be tempted and fall away”
Psalm 55:12-14 “[12]For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have bourne it; neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him; [13] but it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. [14]We took sweet counsel together; and walked unto the house of God in company.”
Jeremiah 9:4 “Take ye heed everyone of his neighbour, and trust ye not in any brother: for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbour will walk with slanders.”
Don’t place your friend on a pedestal and take their words as final truth. The Word of God should be your authority!
Proverbs 19:22 “The desire of a man is his kindness: and a poor man is better than a liar.”
Micah 7:5-8 “[5] Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom. [6] For the son dishonoureth the father, the daughter riseth up against her mother, the daughter in law against her mother in law; a man's enemies [are] the men of his own house. [7] Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me. [8] Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD [shall be] a light unto me.”
1 Corinthians 15:33 “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
1 Corinthians 10:13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
Exodus 20:7 and Deuteronomy 5:11 both say “Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.”
You subconsciously start to act like those who you hang around with; weather you know it or not.
I experienced a negative side of friendship influence. When I went to college, there where only a few girls in my program; but we never really had the same classes or interacted much. There were a group of guys I knew and would say I was friends with. However, at the time I didn’t know that they teased me for the way I lived. They weren't the usual group I would have interacted with, but I felt accepted and happy being in their presence. They did drink, smoke, and cursed… a lot, but told myself I could be their friend and not cross the boundaries I set for myself. I look back and every group interaction they would always mentioned I needed to “relax” and would always offer something, then say “oh yeah… just thought I’d ask.” with a laugh. They made a game out of trying to get me to swear. To be honest I became comfortable in that environment and there were a few situations I did curse a few times in front of one of those friends, and almost give in to their habits if it wasn’t for that someone also protecting me from myself. I am ashamed of the person who was then. You can’t take words back, you can’t erase them from your memory.
Huge mistakes could have been made. I knew better, but was sucked in by my human emotions, by sinful flesh. Guess what, the year of my graduation. I was ghosted by all of them. It hurt...
I could have prevented that hurt, if I paid attention the red flags we are told to watch for in the verses I previously shared.
Here are some read flags in friendships to be aware of:
(some warning signs I personally overlooked, while in the moment)
• someone who intentionally lies.
• someone who is bitter, angry, or complains continually
• someone who uses profound language
• someone who purposely temps you
• someone who is selfish
On thee flip side, Your friends can encourage you to do something you might be afraid or scared of doing, or help you grow in areas you might be lacking; it might not even be noticeable at first. Would you just sit there while your friend washes dishes; reads their bible; interacts with their siblings; stay back as they went for a walk or exercise; No, you’d want to participate with them, and enjoy the company.
In closing, we should all strive to have, and be, a friend that puts the 7 areas of friendship in action.
Be or interact with someone who is willing to fight for the friendship; as the world is against us,
Someone who ignites and initiates good growth; as no one stays the same,
Edify and encourage one another to be the best version of themselves; to be an ambassador for God.
Navigates this world with you; to not stray off the path,
Doesn't follow the crowd, no matter how tempted
Stands by you and supports you, when things get difficult or you do get tempted.
Thank you for taking the time to read this long post. I hope that you will examine those you are currently friends with. Ultimately, it will be up to you to decide if the friendship is worth keeping. Remember, there isn’t a gradient to God’s word, he wants the best for us; so we should want that for ourselves as well.
